Our first automatic response to certain, potential threats in our environment is to look at the face of another person for confirmation, reassurance, or instruction – “Are we safe? What do we need to do?”
Most of us are familiar with the FIGHT-FLIGHT-FREEZE response to danger, however the FACE response is the first response – depending on the nature of the potential threat. For example, if we heard a loud ‘boom’ in the distance, we would look at each other questioningly – did you hear that? What was it? Are we safe? Do we need to do something? This is so biologically ingrained in us that our very survival and subsequent responses depends on the expression of others.
Our expressions communicate louder than our words, however, they are often misinterpreted. For example, say you are deep in thought and have a slight frown on your face. Others may interpret that as something is wrong, or you are angry, or signaling that you not safe to approach. Essentially you are not present enough to respond to what is, or who is before you, and this causes discomfort or a feeling of ‘unsafe’ in others.
When others feel discomfort or feel unsafe around us they usually take some defensive action – such as avoidance, or aggression (active or passive). They may try to make sense of the unease they feel around us and look for reasons that may not be true or accurate. Consequently we may experience others as being difficult, uncooperative, agitated, and so on. However, we can influence others’ responses to us more favourably, simply by being more aware of our expressions: being more present, and choosing an appropriate expression that welcomes or acknowledges the other person with compassion.
I had a client who had a frozen, forced smile on her face. A particular issue she had been working on was her team engagement, and specifically their trust in her as their leader. She had rigid standards for herself and how she should be as a leader – which she struggled to live up to, so there was an internal conflict, evidenced by her frozen smile. The horses expressed growing agitation around her internal conflict, until she was able to reframe her role as a leader – acknowledging her strengths and weaknesses. Her face immediately softened, and a genuine smile took the place of the frozen one. The horses immediately settled, and moved in closer to her. In the following weeks, she practiced being aware of her smile and facial expressions at work, and noticed a significant shift in her team. She noticed a sense of greater harmony, cooperation, support, and willingness to accept her suggestions.
“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes
your smile can be the source of your joy.” —Thich Nhat Hanh
Current research indicates that a smile is contagious. It can make us appear more attractive to others. It lifts our mood, as well as the moods of those around us. And it can even lengthen our lives. In fact, our physical state – our posture, movement, expression, etc. has the power to shift our emotional state almost instantly. When we smile, we change our physiology which changes our emotional state.
How smiling affects your brain
The act of smiling literally activates neural messaging that benefits our health and happiness. It activates the release of neuropeptides that work toward fighting off stress, and they facilitate messaging to the entire body, which communicates our emotional state. The feel-good neurotransmitters —dopamine, endorphins and serotonin — are all released when we smile. Smiling not only relaxes our bodies, but it can also lower our heart rate and blood pressure. (Ref. Psychology Today. There’s Magic in Your Smile. Sarah Stevensen. Jun. 25, 2012.)
Make it a practice to genuinely smile when you look at others or notice them looking at you. The safety, comfort, reassurance, and acknowledgement that your smile conveys might just be what they need to get through their day, and you can benefit from your heightened sense of well-being, and perhaps how others respond to you too.