Our first automatic response to certain, potential threats in our environment is to look at the face of another person for confirmation, reassurance, or instruction – “Are we safe?  What do we need to do?”

Most of us are familiar with the FIGHT-FLIGHT-FREEZE response to danger, however the FACE response is the first response – depending on the nature of the potential threat.  For example, if we heard a loud ‘boom’ in the distance, we would look at each other questioningly – did you hear that? What was it?  Are we safe?  Do we need to do something?  This is so biologically ingrained in us that our very survival and subsequent responses depends on the expression of others.

Our expressions communicate louder than our words, however, they are often misinterpreted.  For example, say you are deep in thought and have a slight frown on your face.  Others may interpret that as something is wrong, or you are angry, or signaling that you not safe to approach.  Essentially you are not present enough to respond to what is, or who is before you, and this causes discomfort or a feeling of ‘unsafe’ in others.

When others feel discomfort or feel unsafe around us they usually take some defensive action – such as avoidance, or aggression (active or passive).  They may try to make sense of the unease they feel around us and look for reasons that may not be true or accurate.  Consequently we may experience others as being difficult, uncooperative, agitated, and so on.  However, we can influence others’ responses to us more favourably, simply by being more aware of our expressions: being more present, and choosing an appropriate expression that welcomes or acknowledges the other person with compassion.

I had a client who had a frozen, forced smile on her face.  A particular issue she had been working on was her team engagement, and specifically their trust in her as their leader.  She had rigid standards for herself and how she should be as a leader – which she struggled to live up to, so there was an internal conflict, evidenced by her frozen smile.  The horses expressed growing agitation around her internal conflict, until she was able to reframe her role as a leader – acknowledging her strengths and weaknesses.  Her face immediately softened, and a genuine smile took the place of the frozen one.  The horses immediately settled, and moved in closer to her.  In the following weeks, she practiced being aware of her smile and facial expressions at work, and noticed a significant shift in her team.  She noticed a sense of greater harmony, cooperation, support, and willingness to accept her suggestions.

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes
your smile can be the source of your joy.” —Thich Nhat Hanh

Current research indicates that a smile is contagious.  It can make us appear more attractive to others. It lifts our mood, as well as the moods of those around us.  And it can even lengthen our lives.  In fact, our physical state – our posture, movement, expression, etc. has the power to shift our emotional state almost instantly.  When we smile, we change our physiology which changes our emotional state.

How smiling affects your brain

The act of smiling literally activates neural messaging that benefits our health and happiness.  It activates the release of neuropeptides that work toward fighting off stress, and they facilitate messaging to the entire body, which communicates our emotional state.  The feel-good neurotransmitters —dopamine, endorphins and serotonin — are all released when we smile. Smiling not only relaxes our bodies, but it can also lower our heart rate and blood pressure.  (Ref. Psychology Today. There’s Magic in Your Smile.  Sarah Stevensen.  Jun. 25, 2012.)

Make it a practice to genuinely smile when you look at others or notice them looking at you.  The safety, comfort, reassurance, and acknowledgement that your smile conveys might just be what they need to get through their day, and you can benefit from your heightened sense of well-being, and perhaps how others respond to you too.

The year 2011 has seen the collapse of financial institutions, and the break down of foreign governments.  Political leaders, among others are being held accountable for their greed and corruption.   The unprecedented ‘Occupy Movement’ has people from around the world standing up to reclaim their right to live in freedom and peace.  Clearly we are undergoing significant change on a global scale.

At the individual level, we just have to reflect on how we thought, felt and responded only a short twelve months ago, and compare that to how we now think, feel, and act.  Chances are you will notice a difference.  Many notice a change in values, preferences, focus, and priorities.

This new way of thinking feeling, acting, and being stems from our desire (more like a drive) to find and create more meaning in our lives – one that inspires, and fulfills a need for greater purpose, beyond the need for acceptance, connection, and belonging.

Through our conscious participation to find greater meaning and purpose, we naturally become more congruent with our inner spirit.  As we become more and more aligned to our true inner essence or spirit, our “sense of self” changes, and as a result our day-to-day life experience gradually becomes more peaceful, fulfilling and easeful.

Here are some ways to become a conscious participant:

• Become non-judgmental – of yourself and others
• Yield rather than resist
• Take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings (eg. do not blame others)
• Accept criticism and look for the lesson and possibility of truth in it
• Apply the W.A.I.T. principle before speaking:  ask yourself “why am I talking?” (For what purpose, for whose benefit, etc.?)

Through conscious participation we can observe and monitor our behaviours, actions, and thoughts in order to usher in and embrace the changes ahead in 2012.

Wishing you courage, resilience, and grace for the coming year!

How often do we make snap judgements about situations or others and find out later that we were way off the mark?

I would like to share the lesson I was reminded of recently to stay open and not allow past experience, subconscious beliefs and assumptions to override what I am sensing.  In other words, switch off the automatic pilot and start navigating with all your senses and abilities.

Recently, Neil and Joanne asked to have a ‘horse experience’ like they had seen on the TV documentary, Horse Power, hosted by Martin Clunes.*  I observed them to be soft spoken, considerate of each other, with a high regard for nature, so I was expecting the horses to reflect my observations. (LOL)

It was mid afternoon with full sun and 30 degrees, so the three mares and one gelding waiting for us were standing very still until Neil and Joanne stepped into the horses’ space.

Immediately, Mac, the gelding began pacing rapidly – while all the other horses remained still.  His pacing was relentless and seemed aimless as he darted in different directions.  It was like he did not have an ‘off button.’  He approached each of the mares disturbing their stillness, and they chased him away.  He began to pace between the humans – brushing against Neil as he sped past.

When Joanne chose to work with one of the mares in the round yard, I slipped into ‘automatic pilot’ (making assumptions based on previous experience, subconscious beliefs etc. without questioning observations).  I decided that Mac was being difficult, and getting dangerous with his ‘antics,’ so I  moved him to the adjacent paddock – where I thought he would calm down as he had more space, plenty of grass to graze on, and other horses to ‘talk to.’   Not so.  It seemed the further away he was the more restless he became. He began galloping around in the paddock – with no apparent purpose, and his body was a lather of sweat.

After the session in the round yard with Joanne, I opened the gate for Mac to come back in with us and he went straight to the round yard gate, before Neil said he wanted to work with Mac.

I finally accepted that Mac was responding to something happening with Neil and Joanne, and asked what or who is this restless in their lives?  Then they told me their son, William had ADHD, and was extremely restless, unable to work, and that he was still in Europe – they had migrated to Australia. William was also very attached to, and dependent on Neil.

Neil joined Mac inside the round yard, and stood about 2 meters off the rail.  Mac continued to pace aimlessly around the space, walking straight up to Neil and away again for what seemed an eternity. Finally Neil walked across the round yard and stopped at the far rail.  Mac stopped pacing, watched Neil, yawned, lowered his head, calmly followed him, and stopped in front of Neil – relaxed and still.

After a few moments Neil walked off and Mac followed quietly behind.  Several minutes later, Neil joined me at the rail where I was standing with Joanne.  I asked Neil what happened.  He said that rather than standing around aimlessly he decided to take some action and walk away.  This is when Mac followed him.  While we were talking at the rail, Neil took his focus off Mac, and Mac started to become restless again.  Neil re-joined Mac, but this time instead of quietly following Neil, Mac was pushing him.

Summarising the debrief, Neil and Joanne were thinking about bringing their son to Australia, and seeing Mac so distressed in the paddock convinced them to bring William out to Australia.  Neil’s experience in the round yard helped him see that William needs to be given focus and direct his energy, but he can be draining if Neil doesn’t set boundaries.

So back to my lesson:  none of this would have happened if I had continued to assume that Mac was just being a nuisance for the sake of it.  Although the signs were overt, for a while I was making assumptions about Mac’s behaviour and not really listening to what he had to say.

I was very fortunate that I caught myself in that situation, and it has had me reflecting on what other situations do I find myself making assumptions and not utilizing my senses and capabilities fully to receive more accurate information.

There has been so much focus in recent years about being grounded.  And although it might sound new-agey, it does produce beneficial and tangible outcomes.  In fact, I start every workshop, program, and session with grounding.  Why?  Because the safest place to be around horses is in our own bodies!  When we are grounded we are more aware – of our environment, our place in that environment, and our inner environment.  We are not distracted with mental chatter so we can think more clearly, respond more appropriately, and make better decisions.  Grounding relaxes us and promotes emotional stability.  Horses feel safe around us when we are grounded and reflect us energetically – when we become still, they become still.

This is not limited to horses, either.  If your work environment is hectic and stressful, ground and become still.  If your home environment is edgy, ground and become still.  If your pets are over-excited, ground and become still.

What is grounding?

There are so many interpretations of what it means to be grounded, so I’d like to go with this one: being grounded means being fully present: mentally, emotionally, physically and energetically.

When you are grounded, your mind is not wandering or pulling your energy elsewhere.  It is not re-living the past or leaping ahead into the future. To be present in the moment can be as easy as breathing, and it’s an act of power to be aware of it.

Physical grounding

Being grounded also means fully inhabiting the body:  you are aware of physical sensations; you feel energy moving through your body; and you are aware of your emotional state.

Our bodies are electrical – the heart, brain, muscles, cells and all body systems function electrically.  Even our emotions are literally “energy in motion.” Through our lifestyles and environments our bodies become electrically stressed and charged and can lead to a range of health issues (refer www.earthinginstitute.net).  Since grounding is “the process of removing charge on an object” – or in this case, our bodies, we can do this by creating a direct physical connection to the Earth to restore our body’s natural and stable electrical state.

To experience the profound effects that connecting to the Earth has in reducing stress and promoting physical health: go outdoors and place your bare feet directly on the earth and ground yourself for thirty minutes.  (If this is not possible, go for a walk in a park wearing shoes with leather soles – plastic, and rubber insulates, and does not allow the re-balancing of electrons.)

Being grounded makes a difference to every living being on our planet – and to the planet itself.  When we are not grounded, our minds wander off and create chaos.  On some level, everyone pays for our “ungroundedness.” The chaos that we can create by being ungrounded literally ripples out into the universe.

We all have the power to promote our physical, mental, and emotional well-being and those around us by choosing to stay grounded one moment at a time.