People often tell me that my horses are ‘different,’ because they are so willing to fully engage with people.  While I used to shrug and accept the feedback, I spent a lot of time analysing why my horses seemed ‘different.’

I concluded that perhaps I create the conditions for them to be ‘different.’  I realised that when I had my own consulting business with a team of over 40 people, I inadvertently did the same thing – I created the conditions for them to bring their whole, creative, engaged selves to their work.

This perspective – of ‘creating conditions’ helps me remember that everyone matters, and acknowledge their contribution and efforts.  I have learned – especially since working with horses, that when I get ‘out of the driver’s seat,’ greater things are possible.

Like people, horses stop trying to communicate when no one listens.  They ‘go through the motions,’ and become less engaged, and less instrumental in contributing to the overall goals.  Also, I have come to understand that everything is information, and since everyone’s perspective contributes to the whole, success (however you want to define it) is adversely impacted when some perspectives are not included.

Like people, horses are willing to ‘be themselves’ when they know they are safe.  No one – human or horse, is willing to ‘be different,’ creative, self-expressive, or honest if they are fearful of being punished.

Like people, horses need congruence from their leader to feel safe.  Regardless of human or horse, we can all sense when something is ‘not right,’ such as when one’s actions don’t match their thoughts or feelings, or if something is being withheld.   And it can be as simple as acknowledging the incongruence to bring about a sense of relief.

Like people, horses are most willing and able to engage and contribute when they are treated with respect.  It sounds obvious, but we can become so focused on achieving the desired goal, that we don’t take the time and effort to respect others.  Horses have taught me time and again that genuine respect is the shortest path to the desired goal.

Like people, horses thrive on reciprocal trust.  I trust them to contribute in what ever way is best and appropriate for them, and they trust me to create the best and appropriate conditions.

Creating conditions for others to express and experience their whole, unique, and creative selves leads to a rewarding experience where everyone benefits, and greater things are possible.

What are the beliefs and behaviours you need to develop to create the conditions to lead your ‘herd” – whether it be your organization, team, community, family?

Things change.  They come and go.  The world is in a constant state of flux.  In their search for understanding of a seemingly random process, the ancient Chinese sages came to see order behind the chaos, and realized that Nature itself presents the secret of life’s mysteries.

Nature abides by the laws of the universe in which change is one of them.  Our duty, then is not to change the state of flux, or ‘the flow,’ but to learn how to experience it.

An enlightened approach to living in this world is to get in touch with its sweeping movement.  This means living lightly in the present moment, not grasping – accepting things when they come and letting them go when they go.

Accepting change
All change can bring one to a higher state.  The key is to accept change, to witness it without judgment, to honour it, to go with it, and to see the perfection in it.  It is seeing the events of your life from a larger perspective, seeing your life as a part in the grand scheme of things.  For example, you lose something in your life – your job, your relationship, a pet.  In the process of letting go, you discover your own resilience.  After the fear or anger, or grief has subsided, your heart gradually opens with understanding and compassion.  You have transitioned to a higher state.

Be aware, however, that accepting change does not mean being passive.  It’s more like yielding.  When we sense resistance building up, that is a sure sign that we are not ‘in the flow.’  Resistance to ‘the flow’ is any time we experience negativity – which often reveals itself in the form of an emotion such as anger, fear, resentment, anxiety.  These emotions are useful as they alert us to the fact that we have a need that is not being met.  With the exception of being in physical danger, if we look closely, we can trace unmet needs to an unproductive way of thinking – about ourselves, others, or a situation.  We may discover that we are thinking we are not good enough, or others have violated our values and so on.  This kind of thinking is resistance.  We are engaged in judging ourselves and others rather than being present and yielding to the flow.  This is where change can bring us to a higher state – when we take responsibility for, and examine our thoughts.

Horses reflect our thinking, beliefs and behaviours which helps us to see those parts of ourselves that are blind to us.  By engaging with them, we accelerate our change – and growth to a higher state.

We are all drawn to individuals who are authentic.  Perhaps we see something in them that we can relate to. Maybe we long to be more like them.  Or perhaps their authenticity is an invitation for us to do the same – to be real.

The media was quick to spot authenticity when Anna Bligh, Queensland Premier expressed genuine heartfelt anguish and compassion for the victims of the recent flooding, and took decisive action – and compared her to other politicians who offer those polished, politically correct speeches we are so accustomed to hearing.  When Anna Bligh spoke, people stopped to listen.  Her authenticity was compelling.

Authenticity is a complex mix of self awareness, courage, vulnerability, responsibility and trust, and involves knowing yourself deeply, being real and accountable, and trusting yourself and others.

There is a sense of liberation or freedom when we become authentic.  This is because we use a great deal of energy to sustain our ‘persona’ – that part of ourselves we show to the world while concealing the parts of ourselves we don’t like or even know.  Have you ever noticed how much of your energy you consume when you hold back in some way or act in ways that are not consistent with how you ‘should have’ acted?   Perhaps this is one reason why children and animals seem to have boundless energy they are being authentic.  When we learn to become authentic, we actually experience a sense of integration, lightness, easefulness, and have noticeably more energy, not to mention more personal power.

Authenticity can be learned

It is not enough to just want to be authentic.   It can be elusive and just out of reach for many of us from time to time.  Its not that we are lying about what we think or feel, but most of the time we wear our ‘masks’ without even knowing it.  We have developed strategies, beliefs and behaviours throughout our lives to cope, get our needs met, and attain our goals.  As we evolve and change, our strategies often become outdated, and no longer serve us.

To move towards authenticity requires a change in our perceptions, beliefs, and ultimately our behaviour, which usually requires a SEE – a Significant Emotional Event.  So reading and learning about authenticity is usually not enough to make a sustainable, positive change.

An alternative to a SEE, is to learn experientially in a structured program within an emotionally safe environment. Experiential learning involves whole body learning as it includes physical, mental, emotional and behavioural dimensions.  When we learn by doing – with awareness, new neural pathways are set down, making change more sustainable.

Horses are natural authenticity meters.  They are driven by their need for safety, and for them to feel safe around us they need to know who we really are. Being prey animals, they have developed the extraordinary ability to read their environment at an energetic level.

Each one of us has a unique energetic quality – a combination of our life’s experiences etched into our cells, our beliefs, thoughts, intentions, physical health, and emotions that radiate out from us. Horses respond to us according to our energetic quality, and reflect it back at us in expressive undeniable behaviour.

When we interact with horses, we have the opportunity to reflect on their responses, and adjust our thinking and behaviour accordingly.  When we learn by doing our bodies remember, and the changes we make are quicker and more sustainable.

The other day while I was in a meeting, I shifted my awareness to the facial expressions of the group members. What I notices was vast differences of emotional expression that included curiosity, amusement, confusions, enthusiasm, frustration, and agitation.  I realised I didn’t have to hear what was being said to know how each person was feeling about the discussion.  I was surprised at how much our expressions reveal!

According to renowned psychologist, Paul Ekman – expert on facial expressions, and author of Emotions Revealed, our emotions are not private! Even when we make a concerted effort to squelch our expressions, some trace of our emotions is likely to leak out and be detected. In fact, scientists have demonstrated that trying to hide emotion not only raises our blood pressure, but this increased tension unconsciously affects those around us.

The problem is that we, as a culture are not particularly emotionally fluent. That is, not only do we suppress the expression of certain emotions – and maybe most emotions when in a work environment – but often we don’t even know what we are feeling from moment to moment.

While others may not be able to name our specific emotion, they can quickly and (often) accurately make a judgment about us – at least in general terms – such as are we comfortable, or safe to be around. And when we act inconsistently with our emotions – say we are leading a new change initiative and are ‘privately’ doubtful that we will deliver the results expected, people don’t trust us. They observe one message, but perceive another.

The significance of this is obvious – as leaders, parents, employees, small business owners, professionals, politicians (!!!)…  At best, others treat us with caution, and at worst, others respond to us through mistrust, resentment, disillusionment or perhaps abandonment.  If we want others to trust us we must align our inner expression with our outer expression.

At Free Rein Australia we are reminded of this every day. Horses see emotions for what they are – information. As prey animals, it behooves them to interpret and act on all information about their environment for the sake of their survival. They reflect our emotions and make them obvious to us. And their comfort level is directly proportional to our level of congruence. Fortunately they give us feedback without filters. And while their memories are second only to the elephant, they don’t hold grudges. This means we can practice new behaviours without consequences!

In our workshops leaders can see themselves the way others see them; teams can break down barriers and build trust; individuals can see how their unconscious beliefs and behaviours block their own progress.

 What can you do right now?

Build your own emotional fluency. Throughout the day, ask yourself – “what is the emotion I am feeling right now?”  See the list below to get you started!

· Align your outer expression (words and actions) with your inner expression.  Ask yourself, “How am I expressing (or not) this emotion?”

· Pay as much attention to the emotions of others (outer expressions) as you do to what they are actually saying.

The following list may be useful to develop your literacy in the language of emotions.

EMOTIONAL FLUENCY

Some emotions we all have when our needs are NOT fulfilled

Afraid

Apprehensive, Concern, Dread, Fearful, Foreboding, Frightened, Mistrustful, Panicked, Petrified, Scared, Suspicious, Terrified, Wary, Worried

Angry

Enraged, Furious, Incensed, Indignant, Irate, Livid, Outraged, Resentful

Annoyed

Aggravated, Dismayed, Disgruntled, Displeased Exasperated, Frustrated, Impatient, Irked, Irritated

Aversion

Animosity, Appalled, Contempt, Disgusted, Dislike, Hate, Horrified, Hostile, Repulsed

Confused

Ambivalent, Baffled, Bewildered, Dazed, Hesitant, Lost, Mystified, Perplexed, Puzzled, Torn

Disconnected

Alienated, Aloof, Apathetic, Bored, Cold, Detached, Distant, Distracted, Indifferent, Numb, Removed, Uninterested, Withdrawn

Disquiet

Agitated, Alarmed, Disconcerted, Disturbed, Perturbed, Rattled, Restless, Shocked, Startled, Surprised, Troubled, In turmoil, Uncomfortable, Uneasy, Unnerved, Unsettled, Upset

Embarrassed

Ashamed, Chagrined, Flustered, Mortified, Self-conscious

Fatigue

Beat, Burnt out, Depleted, Exhausted, Lethargic, Listless, Sleepy, Tired, Weary, Worn out, Zapped

Pain

Agony, Anguished, Bereaved, Devastated, Grief, Heartbroken, Hurt, Lonely, Miserable, Regretful, Remorseful

Sad

Depressed, Dejected, Despair, Despondent, Disappointed, Discouraged, Disheartened, Forlorn, Gloomy, Heavy-hearted, Hopeless, Melancholy, Unhappy, Wretched

Tense

Anxious, Bitter, Contracted, Cranky, Distressed, Distraught, Edgy, Fidgety, Frazzled, Irritable, Jittery, Nervous, Overwhelmed, Restless, Worried

Vulnerable

Fragile, Guarded, Helpless, Insecure, Leery, Reserved, Sensitive, Shaky

Yearning

Envious, Jealous, Longing, Nostalgic, Pining, Wistful

Some emotions we all have when our needs ARE fulfilled

Affectionate

Compassionate, Connected, Friendly, Loving, Openhearted, Sympathetic, Tender, Warm

Confident

Empowered, Open, Proud, Safe, Secure

Engaged

Absorbed, Alert, Curious, Engrossed, Enchanted, Entranced

Excited

Amazed, Animated, Ardent, Aroused, Astonished, Dazzled, Eager, Energetic, Enthusiastic, Giddy, Invigorated, Lively, Passionate, Surprised, Vibrant

Exhilarated

Blissful, Ecstatic, Elated, Enthralled, Exuberant

Grateful

Appreciated, Moved, Thankful, Touched

Hopeful

Expansive, Expectant, Encouraged, Optimistic

Inspired

Amazed, Awed, Radiant, Rapturous, Thrilled, Wonder

Interested

Fascinated, Intrigued, Involved, Spellbound, Stimulated

Joyful

Amused, Delighted, Glad, Happy, Jubilant, Pleased, Tickled

Peaceful

Calm, Clear headed, Comfortable, Centered, Content, Fulfilled, Mellow, Relaxed, Relieved, Satisfied, Serene

Refreshed

Enlivened, Rejuvenated, Renewed, Rested, Restored, Revived

Still

Quiet, Tranquil, Trusting