Our safety is not actually determined by what we think, but rather it is determined by how our nervous system feels.  We might rationalise and think we are safe, but according to Stephen Porges, author of Polyvagal Theory, if there is a low frequency humming for example, such as traffic noise, or air-conditioning noises, our nervous system is not settled – it does not feel safe.

So what, you might think?  In response to a stressful environment or stressful events, our nervous system, can override our thinking brain and we become reactive, defensive, aggressive, angry, or maybe just go blank.

Why is safety so critical?

Before we can fully express our unique gifts, and experience a sense of belonging, connection and contribution, we must feel safe – not at the rational, thinking level, but at the visceral, sensing level within our bodies.

When we feel safe, we experience heart coherence – an ordered and rhythmic variation that influences other bio systems such as brain waves and respiration (www.heartmath.org).  In this state of heart coherence, we can think more clearly and creatively.

When our biological systems operating more efficiently, there is less stress on them, we have more vitality and a greater sense of well-being, and we are more resilient.  We have greater capacity to sense and respond to changes in our environment. We can embrace the totality of life and express ourselves without inhibition.  We can do and become what we are meant to do and be.

Our ability to feel safe directly affects all our relationships

When we feel safe, other people’s nervous systems register that we are safe to be around.  We are in effect, regulating their very sensitive nervous systems.  When they feel safe, they also have access to greater intellectual capacity, creativity, and experience well-being.

In leadership

Quite literally as leaders, if we do not feel safe, we are not safe to be around.  No amount of coaching, mentoring, team building, performance management and support, or training is going to be effective if we do not feel safe.

When we do not feel safe, our lower brain is in control

The reptilian brain, our lower brain – which is the control center for our nervous systems that scans our environment for threats, does not know the difference between a fearful thought or emotion, and a sabre tooth tiger.  This has nothing to do with the higher, rational, thinking brain.

In fact, if the reptilian brain determines that the threat is significant (which can be decided by one single event, or chronic repetitive events – such as worrying, stressful thinking, workplace bullying), it can suppress the rational thinking brain (Hanson, R., Hardwiring Happiness.) Furthermore, it may decide that digesting food and maintaining a healthy immune system are not critical functions (in the moment) so it suppresses them and redirects resources to the heart, and often the limbs – readying us for fight or flight (Levine, P. Waking the Tiger).  Prolonged exposure to stress-inducing situations (including stressful thinking) can result in illness and disease (California State University, Northridge).

Since others’ nervous systems are tuned into ours, their behaviour will correspond to our own level of safety.  A workforce whose thinking brains and physical health are biologically compromised cannot perform at their optimum despite their best intentions.

As a parent

More is at stake as a parent.  We are developing a template for our children’s future.  If they don’t know safety with us, then they learn that the world is a fearful place.  All their systems are compromised – including their mental and creative development, health, and potentially all their relationships.

On a community, global scale

Safety begets safety.  As we resonate safety, others are comforted.  In this state, we all have greater capacity to be responsive instead of reactive.  The power of resonating safety is second only to resonating love.  In fact, one could argue that it is one of the tones of love.

Inside each one of us is a timid, wild animal

Our autonomic nervous system (ANS) and lower, reptilian brain operates exactly like a timid wild animal.  It frightens easily, it is reactive, and primed for the worst-case scenarios – always looking for ‘the negative’/threat/danger.  (Hanson, R., Hardwiring Happiness.)   The key to feeling safe is to make friends with our internal timid wild animal (ITWA).

Consider how you would befriend an animal in the wild?  Probably not with quick, overt gestures, loud noise, unpredictable reactions, hidden agendas, lack of compassion, criticism and impatience!   And yet most of us frequently do that to ourselves and others!

Starting with our own ITWA we must soothe it with gentle thoughts, movements, and sounds.

How safe do you feel right now, and how do you know?

Your rational thinking brain may determine that you are safe, however it’s your ITWA that really makes this call.  Your body communicates its level of safety in the language of felt sensations, so tune into your body and notice (without judgment or resistance):

• Your breathing – is it deep or shallow, fast or slow.  Are you barely breathing?
• Your heartbeat – is it fast or slow, even, uneven, loud, soft…?
• Your posture – are you sitting upright, or slumped over; are your shoulders drawn back or caved in/forward … take a snapshot of your posture in your mind and looking at the ‘picture’ what does your posture communicate about how you are in this moment.

• Your throat – is it tight or relaxed, is swallowing easy, or does your throat feel blocked, does it feel dry?
• Your chest – does it feel contracted or expansive; does it feel open or collapsed and closed?
• Your solar plexus (the area just under your rib cage) – do they feel pressure, or tight, or butterflies, or relaxed and supple?
• Other areas of your body – look for tension patterns and other uncomfortable sensations

Making ‘safe’ your default operating mode takes time

Your ITWA needs time and consistency to develop trust and feel safe.  While you cannot engage directly with your ANS, the following actions influence your nervous system (and those around you):

• Reduce your mental chatter through mindfulness and meditation practices
• Choose peaceful thoughts and avoid judgment of yourself and others
• Spend time in nature – since we literally are animals, the sounds of nature are soothing and natural to us
• Avoid environments that over-stimulate the senses – such as shopping malls
• Avoid drama – disconnect from the drama of others, the news, or violent movies
• Spend time in silence (mental silence as well as external silence)
• Listen to music that is soothing
• Connect with animals – animals (especially horses) soothe and regulate our delicate nervous systems, which leads to a feeling of well-being – as you pat them, tell them, “you are safe”
• Get relaxation massages regularly (for nurturing human touch)
• Hug a loved one for at least 20 seconds a day
• Eat healthy food
• Get plenty of rest
• When you notice that you feel safe, tell yourself, “I am safe”
• With persistence, you will notice yourself feeling more peaceful – a sign that your iTWA feels safe.

Helping others feel safe
Recognise that others’ behaviour is almost always a result of not feeling safe, and it is futile to try and negotiate with their rational, thinking brains because their reptilian brains (ITWA) are on alert, and maybe even in charge.  Here are some ways you can help them feel safe around you:

• Accept them – do not judge or try and change them; this does not mean you have to agree with them, but accept them for ‘where they are in their life’s journey.’

• Focus on your breathing – breathe in for a count of six and out for the same duration, for several minutes.  This directly regulates your heartbeat and calms your own nervous system (Soosala, G., Oka M., mBraining – using your multiple brains to do cool stuff).

• Treat them as you would treat a timid wild animal – be quiet, still, consistent, compassionate, respectful, gentle, transparent (i.e. no hidden agenda)

Make safety the new paradigm

Keeping safety in the forefront of your mind, may be the only way to experience your full vitality, and enable others to shine.  When we all feel safe, we can fully access the intelligence and creativity of our minds, bodies, and spirit.

• As you go about your day, ask yourself often:
• Am I feeling safe?
• What can I do to feel safer?
• How can I help others – in this moment – feel safe around me?

When safety becomes our new paradigm, our lives, and the lives of countless others will be transformed.